At last I get to sit down and rant properly, without fear of the time, without someone staring over my shoulder, and free to put my thoughts into typing. What should I rant about this time? Would it be about the stupid bus driver who took his time in driving to the airport? Would it be the horrible dreary weather that pours in torrents? Would it be the bad test I had today? Would it be the the traffic jam that kept me awake? Would it be the shitty wasted day I spent in school? There are so many things I can rant about. But the time now is 12 midnight.

There are many things on my mind right now. I wonder what to talk about. I just hope tonight I won't suffer from insomnia. I wonder where my life is heading right now. I just don't have control of anything, so this so totally pisses me off. And I'm confused. So damn lost. I guess I better stay lost, because I am also afraid of what I may find.

Hmmm.... Its been over a year. And I'm wondering.

How do you change the world? For the better?

Today.
Thoughts scattered.
Tiresome.
But.
Strange lightness.
Slowly drifting.
Away.

Like a gondola on a misty river, I float on. The bank I left fades away into greyness, and the bank I am suppose to approach comes no nearer. I hear nothing but the sound of my paddle, splashing softly in the muted landscape. I peer around, only to find myself enshrouded by mist which no sunlight can penetrate. And though I know you are on the bank on the other side, I can't reach you, can't reach out to you. And then your presense slowly fades away through this thickening tendrils that seek to suck every warmth from my body. I have lost you.

Woo!! I can't believe it! I actually found one hour to do anything I want! Yeah well, anything that abides by the laws and school rules that is. But hell yeah! I don't need to touch my tutorials for one whole hour! I could sit down, do nothing and no one would breathe down my neck making sure I do my work! One hour. Man, if I could have this one hour every day.

Anyway, yeah, the ranting should go on and on. But heck, I don't want to spend my hour ranting. Heh...

Chocobo rocks!!!

How the hell does one squeeze 26 hours out of 24 hours a day?
Something is so not right when I don't update my blog more than once a week. I'll find time to rant tomorrow.

Chronic lack of time is a disease suffered by many of Asia school-goers. Yours truly is also one of them. However it brings a great smile to my face knowing that I am not going to be a victim of this unjust, cruel and overcompetitive system much longer.

Look, I've been running on adrenaline since like Monday, and totally tired out. And to make matters worse it is only Thursday. The worse is to come tomorrow, and I just wanna see this week over and not do anything about it. That's my rant for today. I wish I could make a more intellectual and thought provoking blog, but I guess even that is out of the question.

I still feel empty. There lacks purpose within and without. The Empress shows its face, and the Two of Cups gives its blessings for the future. Somehow amidst the Moon, Sun and Tower, I cannot help but feel the futility of the situation.

But the cards are wrong. I make my own destiny.

It has been 5, read FIVE, days since I have been on the Internet. You know I am saying this with the same tone as a hardcore drug addict would say, "It has been 5, read FIVE, days since I have not touched coke." Yup. There fills up within me this great sense of rejoicing knowing that I am so addicted to the Internet that I can't live without it.

Though, the moment is bleak and everything seems dark, there seems to light, a ray of hope, and I will hold on to that, and let it warm my heart.

I did not have a blog to usher in the New Year as I have been deprived of one of the basic ammenities of today's life: the Internet.

Although things have now recently returned to their state of normalcy, I wouldn't call things exactly wonderful. How does one describe this strange phantom ache in the chest, that feels more like emptiness rather than a physical sharp pain? How does one describe this nostalgic, reminiscing feeling that seems to swell up from nowhere and recall old memories of times that will not be again? How does one describe this longing feeling, that seems to engross the mind entirely, leave the heart in pain and leaving me feeling like a shell?

I wish I knew better, I wish I had the wisdom to know what to do. But even if I knew what to do, I don't think I have the courage to do it.

I wish I could have written a better blog for the New Year.