Well, I'm bored this time. I feel somewhat inspired today. Mainly because I've been doing nothing today, and have had time to think of stuff which concerns me, and also stuff which doesn't concern me. Basically that means I've thought of stuff.

Today I had a very odd compliment. At least I think it was an odd compliment. Someone thought I wrote quite well, but this talent was a waste on me. Hey! I hope you are reading this! Look! I'm writing about YOU! I hope YOU're flattered. Well actually YOU shouldn't be. In my previous posts I've written about George Bush and Britney Spears. There was never a mention of Mother Theresa or Aung San Suu Kyi. So I guess this means YOU won't get loads of compliments from me.

Its not a waste on me. Look, I put my err... talent, or lack of talent, to good use. I write loads of crap which are the essential building blocks of the Internet. As we all know it, the Internet is a vast resource of information, and this crap which I just put up adds on to that great chunk of information which no one can read through in countless of lifetimes. The Internet is also filled with defunct webpages, hate sites, porn and loads of spam. So considering how clean, unoffensive and updated this blog of mine is, I gotta say its one of the better pages floating around on the Internet.

Another way to look at this talent put to good news is that its like a direct link straight into my demented mind. You know how Alice had to go tumbling down the rabbit hole to find a world without sense or dollars, without rhyme or reason, without coffee and only tea? Well instead I offer to anyone out there, a better access into such a world would simply be through this blog. Looking back on my dementia, its interesting. I even think YOUR (yes, you, the person who "complimented" me) general paper tutor would read this site with mild intrigue and gaping horror. I wonder if YOU (the person who "complimented" me) did read my Christmas story. I was kinda proud of it. Its dated last year around Christmas. I hope YOU enjoy it.

And YOU can't blame me for having a talent. I am after all, somewhat short on talents. Blessed with a narrow mind, twisted morals, unfeeling heart, outspoken stupidity, burning sardonic sarcasm and a great sense of courting doom, here ends my list of talents. So a good penmanship is something to me, and I do take a bit of offense when YOU suggested YOU could do a lot more with my talent that I already have done.

I'm sure I know what YOU are after, with talents like mine. YOU plan to no, not take over the world... no, that is below YOU, that YOU won't need my talents at all. YOU are like Lex Luthor, seeking to steal Superman's powers for YOURSELF for some twisted evil malignant purpose that seeks to harm the world! I know why YOU want my talent. And all the more, to save the world, to protect the people I love and ensure lasting peace, YOU do not deserve my talent. Oh, yes, I know YOUR evil master plan... I know it so well. Yes, the temptation to use my talent for such evil purposes have crossed my head but I shall not be tempted by the dark side. No, I shall protect the world with my life. YOU will not get that A1 for GP!

Okay, it seems every time I come home, I've got a lot to say about my somewhat dysfunctional family. Okay, they are a great family, but well there are just some things I need to complain about.

In this case its how my mom is the worst possible driver in the world.

How? Well she successfully drove the landcruiser into this muddy hole in some dirt track even when she was not behind the wheel. Its pretty incredible is it not? She wasn't even driving actually and the car got stuck. I am speechless in awe and amazement. I don't know how she did it. After all, it was me behind the wheel after all.

Now before you accuse me of blaming my innocent mom for my stupidity, let me just tell you one thing: my mom is, what you would call, a back-seat-driver. Yup, that kinda driver. Its horrendous, her back-seat driving. I quote:

"Look out for that car!"
"(screams)!"
"Turn left! No... wait, not now!"

I was 'innocently' stepping on the accelerator, trying to navigate my way through this dirt road, which I had the damnest of luck to drive through, holding tight to the steering, and going slow but steady. I saw that large gaping hole on the right side of the road, which was waiting to suck in the most inexperienced of drivers, and I made up my mind to keep to the left. As the four-wheel drive was on, I was pretty confident I could make it, until suddenly there it came. The back-seat-driver struck again!

"No! Don't go straight! Turn right!"

Now who was I to disobey my mom? Well anyway, I thought I could risk it. And since I am writing this post, and complaining about back-seat drivers, you'd guess that I got the car stuck in the road. It was a filthy experience. The back left wheel was buried rather deep, and though we tried placing planks, stones and what-not, the wheel spun futilely as it could not get out of the mud. We tried pushing the car, and it was all in vain. So I sat down at the side of the road, with my dad, his friend, my younger sister and the back-seat-driver.

We decided to give it one last try. So my dad's friend and I got in front of the car, and pushed, while my dad tried to reverse the car out of the rut. The back-seat-driver watched and although her face was grim, I'm sure she was laughing maniacally at this predicament. So we pushed, the landcruiser grinded, and the wheels spun. Suddenly with a jerk, the car managed to reverse backwards. Yes! Except for one thing, I wasn't too delighted about, when the mud came flying forth from under the front tyres and covered me. My pants was drenched in stinking mud, my shirt splattered, my glasses dirted and I could taste dirt in my mouth. It does not exactly taste nice, as there was this rotting stench in the black crud now covering half my face.

Yet at the back of my twisted mind, I wished I had a camera there and then. This is not an experience I would like to repeat. Particularly if there is every a back-seat-driver in my car ever again.


*Note: Though I would tend to over-dramatise the events in my life, all events to date have actually happened the way they did. The only reason its funny or stupid or ludicrous or sounds like a movie is because you saw it through my eyes.

My sister got a boyfriend.

MY sister got a boyfriend.

My SISTER got a boyfriend.

My sister GOT a boyfriend.

My sister got A BOYFRIEND.

Okay, serious I'm making a big deal out of this. This is shocking news. Out of this world. So unpredictable. So unlike my sister. Its out of the blue. I wasn't expecting this. Words can't express my shock. My astonishment. My surprise. Yes, and I am stupidly announcing this over this small little webpage that I guess no one bothers to look at. My sister got a boyfriend.

Okay a little background on my sister. I always thought she was a guy-hater. Or at least one of those modern independent women who don't need men to live. And well, she now has a boyfriend. Its kinda impressive considering my sister is studying to be a doctor, so conservatively thinking, the guy gotta be somewhere near her level of education and gonna earn as much money as her someday. The guy is also studying to be a doctor. So I guess its an interesting match. And well my sister is 20. Which, well is kinda late to have her first boyfriend. But she was in no rush. At least I think she was in no rush. I hope so. But now she's got a boyfriend.

Worse of all, I didn't get to see the guy when he, and a bunch of other less significant friends, flew into my hometown for a short visit along with my sister. I wasn't around at that time, was busy studying for some stupid exam. But yeah, he met my parents. Kinda fast when you think about it. They are only together for 2 weeks. I think. And he met my parents! My sister's boyfriend met my parents. Its like saying, "Hey mom, here's the guy I would like to date. What do you think?" Its like seeking approval. Its just so wierd. But then well he was supposedly here for a holiday.

What was my mom's review of him? Well lets say he got a good rating from his potential-future-mother-in-law. I just don't trust my sister to hold on to a guy for that long. He's skinny, lots of pimples and well, according to my mom he looks smart. So I guess I cannot pass any further comment. I have yet to meet the guy, he has yet to get my approval, and I wonder whether I can intimidate him a little. Yes, I do not fall into the category of "nice, cute, adorable little brother". More of the "demonic, scheming, plotting, superior, egoisitic little brother. And yeah, he has gotta get my consent! I have power over this guy! Yeah! Makes me feel good just like the power hungry megalomaniac that I am at heart. World domination is only a few more steps away.

As you can guess by now, I am somewhat ecstatic about the fact MY SISTER GOT A BOYFRIEND that I must even put it in caps. Well its a good thing right? For one, it means that within say, 10 years I could be an uncle. Okay, not that I am an uncle now, but well, more of an uncle than I am now. Cousin's children don't count. So I'm going to be a really really old man soon. Damn I'm old. But above all, this brings a smile to my face because of something my sister said once to me while we were cruising down a long lonely road. Her exact words were:

"You are not allowed to have a girlfriend until I get a boyfriend."

I've been looking for answers. All my life I have been searching for a truth or an absolute I can hold to myself. There are some things that just puzzle me so much that I can't seem to believe that it actually happened. Come to think of it, I guess one of the things that I value the most is my childhood, or more precisely my lack of it.

Childhood is a precious thing. Its when things are the simplest without the complexities of adult human life. Its so easy to understand other people. I cannot understand people. That's where it feels like I'm trapped in a childhood, where things seem simple and idealistic to me. People are all not evil. And yet there seems to be there are evil people in this world. People who act of out hatred, for the sake of hurting others and the perverse joy in causing pain in others. Yes it hurts, because I chose to open trust them. Almost like a child I was hurt. And this is completely my fault. It was all my fault. I let them do it. It isn't their fault, because it is in their nature. Therefore it must have been mine to feel such pain. My own stubborness and ignorance for I could not see people for who they are and chose to open myself to such bitterness. I feel foolish.

Again, I am lost in thought. It is not uncommon I stray away from reality and sink into a daydream. I was thinking of my theme song for the year. I guess it would have to be "Black Balloon" by Goo Goo Dolls.

Was thinking a lot of things are not worth it. Thinking of "coming down the world turned over, where angels fall without you there."

Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls

Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees.

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer.

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room, yeah

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Always someone's prayer

And there's no time left for losin'
When you stand they fall, yeah

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder

All because I'm
Comin' down the years turn over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on and i will lead you home
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me

Today's topic would be on Vengeance and Gratitude. Curious words, but words that have more in similiarity than one would think. Vengeance is paying back for something bad that has been done upon a person, and gratitude is paying for something good that has been done upon a person.

Although the difference lies between the injustice or mercy shown onto a person, yet, I wonder why, vengeance is a much more stronger motivating force than gratitude? A person would remember more about vengeance than gratitude. The injustice has burnt strongly into one's mind, unable to be erased, yet the good deeds just seem to pass by unnoticed. I am thinking about this. Perhaps it is a lot easier to see suffering than to see good in others. Or perhaps one's own suffering must be put on the pinnacle of a great altar to be held as a reason for a person to wreck their own rage and hatred against the world.

Gratitude. Vengeance. No superhero ever decided to become a superhero because his parents was saved by someone else. Rather he became a superhero because his parents died. Vengeance is a strong motivating force. Behind vengeance, lies the more insiduous anger. I believe that humans are angry creatures, able to respond more to pain and suffering than acts of kindness. Sometimes I feel it is useless to try and understand humans, with their petty rages, grudges and the acts of revenge. The more I try, the more painful it gets. And I am on my knees, and I still wonder.

Walking around in a daydream state seems to be my current habit. Its almost as if the life I currently am living has sunk into one of those ethereal realm of existence where everything is hovering over the thin line distinguishing reality, and its all in my head. And when I am on the brink of sleep, it is as if there is this thick grey fog enshrouding my eyes, and I strive to keep awake, even in the middle of the day.

And some things just seem so surreal, like they never existed.

Come to think of it, I hardly touch the Internet. Okay, granted that the Internet is an intangible thing, but I hardly use it. Merely once a week. In an interconnected world where people are online say 24/7, I am something like a small fry, swimming in this sea of spam and porn. Heh, maybe it isn't too bad.

I find myself tired these days. Tired, sleep-deprived, sick and lethargic. Though I could think of certain parties to blame, namely a very lethargic person next to me, but then I don't think so. Somehow the mood to do anythng at all has been eroded. Nothng seems worth doing anymore. I just want to lie down and rest. I am denied that. And now currently I am denied of the silence which is suppose to mark this haven of books. Ah shut up!