Conversations With Self

Sunday, February 26, 2006

On girlfriends and porn

With regards to a friend's blog and my own healthy dose of skepticism, I must admit that when your girlfriend finds your secret stash of porn on your computer, of course you claim that someone hacked into your computer and put it there.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Death of Thought?

I was lying awake at 3am in the morning, and wondering, just where have all the philosophers gone?

I had a friend who was doing a degree in philosophy, and naturally, I scoffed at him. For perhaps different reasons, but then again, today, I wonder when was the last significant book on human thought actually published and read? I wonder how far we've gone from the ancient art of writing, to the modern life of not reading. And since we've come this far, all philosophical treatises must be considered archaic and dead for all purposes, simply because we do not read anymore.

But I guess I don't want to say much about the modern day lifestyle as there are many more before me who not just write about it, but portray it in some of the most artistic nature, through film, photos and music.

I turn my thoughts then to those of "philosophers of old," of Kant and Hume, of Dionyses and Plato, of Russell and Locke. A friend commented to me, "Why do these philosophers write such lengthy sentences that are utterly inaccessible to the human mind?" (Well, not in those words, but I have a penchant for refining the vulgar plebian tongue which I speak very well myself all the time.) I was always taught that these philosophers write such complex sentences of epic proportions that they want the reader to focus on their sentences, re-read these sentences, think through what the philosophers are saying and go through the entire mental process and thus become enlightened by the words of these philosophers.

Come to think of it, I've never heard a bigger pile of horsesh*t in my life, well except maybe that the war on Iraq wasn't about oil.

Much of my philosophical thought doesn't come from these old dusty men who sit in the candlelight pondering their existence, but rather from more modern philosophers, of Richard Feynman and Carl Sagan. I suppose I must profess some biasness towards them, for they are physicists, and not just physicists, but outstanding scientists in their own field. Geniuses, we'd like to call them. And so they do their civic duty, not just to unearth the mysteries of the universe, but to ponder the course of humanity given the new knowledge bequeathed for all of humanity to utilise. After all, it must be somewhat of a sobering experience to deliver the power of the atomic bomb to the hands of men who knows nothing about how it works, much less the potential catastrophic possibilities that could happen.

But then again, Feynman did say something once that struck me as common sense. That if we cannot explain something we've learnt in our own words, without the use of complex specialised lingo, in effect we've learnt nothing. After all, why do objects fall to the ground? "Because of gravity." But within that answer lies no knowledge, because the word "gravity" is simply a label for the entire concept between how two objects attracts each other by a force, and we go on to talk about force, and so forth until it is easily understood and accessible. But wherein fact, we cannot give an answer that is forthright and simple that we do not know anything ourselves, hence coughing up the greatest pile of horsesh*t to hide our own ignorance, that maybe someone else might see some value in the words written, or intepret those words in some profound way that at least it might sound that it came from a guru who unraveled the mysteries of the universe.

Perhaps I ought to deal with the fact that the entire purpose of the complex language of old philosophical treatises is to encourage the reader to think. No, I'd prefer to use the word "force" or "exerting undue duress" or "subjugating" the reader to think. I find it ironic that while they can't make a horse drink, these philosophers think they can make a person think. After all, which is far likely, the person struggles through understanding the great mysteries of the Earth, or puts down the book in favor for more materialistic pursuits?

I suppose the greatest argument for their form is that there is so much complex thought within the similarly complex sentence, that to explain it in layman terms is to gloss over the fine-tuned nuances that correctly portray the entire idea that is being conveyed. I suppose that there is little justification to that, after all, the more rules there are, the less avenue for creative thought exists. Highly arguable of course. But I suppose that a similar richness of content exists just by the use of simple language. Jacob Bronowski said, "Science is only a Latin word for knowledge... Knowledge is our destiny." Simple enough that it reaches the mind easily, sufficient enough to provoke some thought, and bare enough to allow creative avenue in any possible direction left to the imagination.

Philosophy, I guess, isn't really about what other people thought way before our time anymore. After all, that would be utter horsesh*t, because that would just be regurgitating information. The human thought has stagnanted for quite a while, I think. No new revolutionary ideas since Marx. And the ultra-conservative Christians are poised to take us back into the Middle Ages. No, I think philosophy is about engaging new thoughts, exploring new ideas, and finding out new things about ourselves.

Perhaps this post in itself is somewhat of my philosophical take on philosophy, and it appears very much inaccessible to many because of it's length and the apparently short human attention span. So I'd like to end with a metaphor on what philosophy should be like:

Philosophy should be like lingerie, revealing so that people would take notice, but covers enough to leave a lot to the imagination, with an allure of seductive curiousity.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Actuaries Are Morbid People - by Me

Actuaries are morbid people,
The death gods of mathematics,
Rather like the Three Fates,
Except with a pen and calculator,
Determining the probability of man,
Surviving to next summer,
Or meeting his maker,
All with the power of numbers.
Brings a whole new meaning,
When we solemnly say,
"His number's up."
Wait, isn't it better to say,
The math gods of death?
But it doesn't change the fact,
Actuaries are steeped in black humour,
With a slash of the mighty pen,
Even ol' Death's scythe,
Couldn't kill multitudes with godly ease,
But the most morbid of all,
Is the power to take a human soul,
Full of life, dreams, hopes,
Love, grief and anguish,
Reduced to a fraction on a disposable piece of paper,
Which is not even a whole.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I wish everyone would stop blaming Google for "supporting censorship" and "endorsing a repressive regime".

I sort of detect a sense of irony in the whole matter, that Google has to face up to charges that it is selling its morals for making money in China, and the ones making a big deal about it are the Congressmen of Capitol Hill, not the repressed Chinese. I sort of feel some sort of hidden agenda, that these "politicians" have their eyes on the great big coffers of Google and other alike Internet companies.

C'mon, a censored Internet is better than no Internet.

I could imagine people shouting that I'm promoting the death of the freedom of speech.

Sometimes I'm sick of this bullsh*t that people say. So much for freedom of speech, that I suppose it's okay for people to google for kiddie porn online. That's one sort of thing the US government is trying to trying to protect it's people from. So I suppose the Chinese government is trying to "protect" the people from deviant cult practices. Start to see similarities?

By the way, I like to insist that any irrational faith-based gathering is potentially dangerous especially in large numbers.

What if the Falun Gong was China's Scientology?

But Google entering China is a good thing. Google had to pay the price to compromise it's stand on "freedom of speech". But it offers the people of China a service that is far valuable from the masking of a few incidents. It offers the people of China information, albeit not all information, but some nonetheless. And some is better than none. Right?

I don't know. What would anyone gain by Google refusing to acquiesce to China's demands? A hollow victory in the name of freedom of speech? What about the meteoric rise of China's own search engine? One that is already censored, and goes international. Albeit censored of course. Hmm... would the Congress want advertising revenues which could have gone to an American search engine and be taxed by American taxes to fund whatever pet projects they have? Or go to China to "support a repressive regime"? After all, it's all about money right?

Sometimes I think that the American government's idea of justice is punishing the large corporations of America. Well... I think it's the EU's idea of justice too. Recently there is increasingly more regulations against these corporations. Microsoft now faces a fine from the EU because of "anti-trust issues." Again. Walmart has to pay a lot more for state Medicaid because they are the largest corporation in America. Google's getting it, because they expanded into China.

And it almost seems like a punishment for being successful.

The irony of it all, weren't the corporations the ones supposed to be greedy?

What does anyone stand to gain from all of this legal action brought against these companies? Of couse nothing. Because in turn these companies would do what they do best, pass the cost on to the consumer.

Windows XP N didn't go off very well did it? Walmart still makes a lot of money doesn't it? And Google won't just withdraw from China, would it? Sometimes the status quo remains and perhaps going after these companies won't help. After all if Congress is worried about the trade deficit and China's growing power, they should all play cowboy, like they do best and bomb China. After all the Grand Old Party (GOP) and their poster boy Bush, isn't afraid of invading another country, especially since when they themselves are accountable to no one, damned be the consequences.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

For once, just for once, one semester, I'm asking nicely, just one semester, I'm running out of semesters here, and just for once, I would like my entire registration process for classes at NYU not be governed by some bureaucratic bullsh*t that spans three different departments, five different authorities and a partridge in a pear tree. Just once, please let my registration process actually happen smoothly, like it's suppose to, no more bullsh*t about meningitis immunization I needn't have, or graduate classes I can't search for, or classes which have been dropped at the last possible moment. And then dropped again.

Just for once, cut the bureaucratic bullshit, I'd like to be informed when the proverbial shit hits the fan, and is it too much to ask that I can't talk to somewhen when I need to talk to someone?

I guess for NYU, with it's fourteen schools, hundreds of departments and thousands of administrators, it is really too much to ask.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

There's a blizzard outside right now. I suppose the understatement of the year would be, "It's cold out there."

But then again, it's cold in here.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

I think it should be a criminal offense for mail and delivery services not to work on weekends.

Friday, February 10, 2006

No man is an island.

You know, we live in a world with 6.2 billion people. What does that mean? That means that we're always "not alone" on this pale blue dot. That means somewhere or another is another human being, and we are always constantly interacting with human beings.

Human beings are strange creatures. They are social creatures by nature. They tend to live together, form fraternities and fellowships and get drunk together. Human beings require this social bond between each other, among other purposes to fulfill their needs and offer protection by forming this unit called society.

However, that's besides the point. Thing is, suddenly, I was wondering... when was the last time I touched another human being? As in physically reached out, and realise that someone else is there. I seem to recall not touching any other person today, not even close to bumping into another person on the street yesterday. Which is particularly remarkable considering there are 6.2 billion people in the planet, and I live in one of the most densely populated areas on the planet.

What does it mean to touch someone? Reach out in a physical way to form a conenctive bond that resonates with another human being to reaffirm each other's existence in a mutual way.

I sort of feel like Bruce Willis in the movie Sixth Sense. Like a phantom that floats by, unnoticed by anyone, my existence doesn't seem to matter. That is what true loneliness is like, right?

Sure I speak to people, I talk to people on the occasion, but then again I recall once telling my friend, "You know, I can get through a whole day without speaking a single word to anyone."

Ephemeral. That seems to be the description of my existence. That perhaps I flitting through the day like a butterfly, and the only trace that I ever was, or ever been was the gentle flutter of wind that is lost among the general noise and hub-bub.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I should begin to title my blogs

Some people's blogs just seem so... organized... while mine seems to be a mess of hodge-podge, whatever-I-can-think-on-the-spot ramblings.

Oooh.. look, an interesting quote, "I wish my lawn was emo, so that it would cut itself."

But yeah, I think I should seriously title my posts so that at least I have some sense of direction in which I was heading. Otherwise I'll be all over the place, well at least my mind. Unfortunately I'm only in one physical place at a time, which can be severely limiting to the good I could bring to the world.

Of course then again, that would severely limit the destruction I would impose upon the world.

You know how things just happen to you? That vague itch of a coincidence, that when you want/need things to happen, they do? The sort of odd coincidence that arises since I don't have a cellphone, but I will bump into the people I need to ask questions. Or when opportunities fall into your lap when you need it to? Or when classes are mysteriously swapped in your favor, while you run around trying to get things fix, it has already been fixed? And locking yourself out of the dorm, only to find your roommate inside already?

You know, I don't really declare myself an atheist or a buddhist, but if there's a god, hey, he must really love me.

Yeah, well it's the strange coincidences like that. I honestly think it happens to everyone too, but then everyone else just don't happen to notice.

So my posts in the end happens to be really scattered all over the place, and my mind flits from one area to another. Anyway, here's a couple of stuff I want, so if you got something like that which you don't want, look, I'm here.

I kinda need a laptop, a really lightweight one, to do my work, especially while I'm at school. It's kinda hard to pull up what I need in the Stern computer labs sometimes, and I got time to sit down and write my necessary papers, so yeah, looking for one.

I sort of told myself I'll get a really nice digital camera since I started working. But since I started working, my expenses have not gone down, so yeah, there goes that, and I need to work harder to get what I want. However, let's hope I get a summer internship.

I guess I'm cool with the needs right now, I need to take photos, mainly because there are moments in my life I wanna capture, and I need a computer to work on the go. It's not exactly greed is it? Hmm... I don't know... maybe. Is cool, is cool.

You know, it's kinda sad when you get to that point in your life where the only way you can check what day it is, is by looking at your socks.

I saw you walk in. Or at least I thought I saw you walk in. Someone else, for some reason, reminded me of you. But it wasn't you.

You walked in. No, she walked in and talked to the guy at the counter. I couldn't hear you over the earphones in my head, but I watched her lips move. And she sat down, where you sat before, but then again, I question, were you ever there?

I felt like a stalker, watching your every move. Perhaps somewhere at the back of my head, a little bird whispered, "No chick wants to be alone on Valentine's Day." I cursed. Perhaps I'm a little gutless. I wondered if I had the courage to walk up and talk to you.

Suddenly she turned, and asked me a question, I was startled, I almost fell off my chair, I tugged at my earphones, and said a hazy, "What?"

"What street is this place on?" she asks.

"MacDougal."

"And?" as though giving me an opportunity to ask something.

"Bleecker, I think."

"Okay, thanks." And she keys that into her cellphone, and shuts it, and slowly savours her falafel.

I wondered what just transpired. I picked up my tray, and left it near the bin, and as I walked out, I gave her one glance over my shoulder. She never looked up.

Friday, February 03, 2006

What are you obsessing about today?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The teacup is broken,
The glue has dried,
The fates have spoken,
The shades have cried,
The door is open,
The wind has sighed,
The sins are pardoned,
The soul has died,
The words are forgotten,
The idols are deified,
The void has beckoned,
There is nothing left.