I walked into the dim room. The thick odour of incense hangs heavily over the air. The room was only illuminated by a candlestick holding seven candles, that flickered as I closed the door.

"Ah, you've come." An old lady slowly hobbled out of some dark corner. She wrapped a shawl around her hair, and proceeds to sit down at the table. "I see you've come to have your future read."

Without a word I smiled. What other reason would anyone enter this musty smelling room with a rotten sign outside, painted in faded ink, Fortunes Told.

"Come and sit down, and we shall see what the cards reveal." She beckons me to sit down on the chair opposite here. She reaches into the depths of her clothes and pulls out a dark ebony box and set it upon the grass velvet table. Setting the candles to one side of the table, she then opens the box and then takes out a deck of old tattered cards. She shuffles them slowly and asks me, "What is it you wish to query about exactly?"

If you could tell the future, you would know what I was going to say. I thought to myself. But anyway, I answered, "My direct future."

"Ah interesting. We shall see..." She draws the first card from the deck. "This card represents you." She turned it over and it revealed the Six of Swords. "It shows yourself, your true self, and this card says that you've just learnt something. Things have become very clear to you, and it is after a period of uncertainty."

She takes the next card and places it over the first card. It shows, The Revelation. "Ah," she says, "This card confirms what I just told you, you've gained some knowledge or insight recently. This is a good card, it means good luck for you."

The third card, she revealed and placed it as a cross over the first two; it was the Nine of Swords. "Oh dear, not good. You are worried. Beyond worry. More like driven by anxiety. Your mind is not as peace. There are fears in your mind. All because of something you've learnt. Tsk tsk. I wonder what is your revelation."

She placed the forth card above the three cards, and revealed the Two of Swords. "There are many swords in your life, something must be encouraging you to take action. And this card shows the potential of your future. There could be a temporary solution to your problems. There is a brief respite, but then the problem still exists, waiting to erupt."

"But you must not forget this card." She turns over the Eight of Swords below the first three cards. "More swords." She glanced at my stoic face. "There would be many outside interference when you resolve this problem of yours. You must keep this in mind."

She then places the sixth card on the right of the first three cards. It revealed the King of Disks. "You are one of many worldly qualities. But then this isn't going to influence you anymore. You possess many virtues tied down to earth, but then it doesn't matter."

"Instead however, it seems you are going to embark on a new project." She places the Queen of Wands on the left. "There is a new beginning, there is the sun and the sea, its perhaps a new experience for you."

"But look here," she says, and places the eighth card on the right of the first seven cards, "The Knave of Swords symbolise your mind. You are an intellectual, yet you lack earthing qualities. A dreamer, an idealist, but hardly a manifestation of your ideas. Just thoughts."

"This is the problem in your mind." She flips over the card The Universe. "Interesting. This is a good card. It symbolises good luck. Very good luck. It shows that something has been attained, and that something is coming to a close. A great achievement is there. But then this card somehow disturbs you, which makes this all the more interesting."

She places the tenth card above the eighth and ninth card. It showed the Ace of Disks. "This is where all your problems start. You are too concerned with the material world. You are obsessed with it. Physical things matter to you, which is why you feel this problem. You need to think what really matters to you."

The lady looks me deep into the eye. "Are you sure you want to know the outcome of your problem?" She holds the eleventh card in her hand. I looked at her back.

"If I didn't want my future told, I wouldn't have come." I replied confidently.

"But the future might not be good." She countered back.

"If it is written in the stars it can't be changed. But I will make my own destiny." I said.

"Usually that which is written cannot be changed. And it would perhaps sadden you to know the end." She fingered the card, as my eyes slowly drift towards the card in her hands.

"It would also prepare me for the end."

"So be it." She opened the last card to reveal the Ten of Swords. "Tsk tsk."

"So what is it?" I asked.

"The Ten of Swords. The nadir of your situation. It represents desolation, a mind disturbed and many problems. This is perhaps the worst card one can get in a divination."

"Its not all that bad."

"Perhaps. To look on the bright side of things, it shows that everything is bad, that it couldn't get worse. So the sun might just appear over the horizon. And the Universe and the Revelation would conspire to bring you good luck. There is good luck in this spread, but the outcome might ruin you."

"I see." I got up. "Thank you very much. But I make my own destiny."

"Then perhaps The Universe would smile on you."

"It will. It always has."

Oh look here. They are going to build another World Trade Centre in New York again. I guess this must mean somehow that the entire fracas is over, and that the events of September 11, now belong safely in the annals of history.

So since its safe to rebuild the World Trade Centre, I guess this must mean that somehow the terrorists threat isn't all that big anymore. After all it would achieve a lot if the terrorists could bring down the new World Trade Centre. Ah, and the interesting thing is that, instead of having a sky reaching building, they'll just have a 1,776 foot spire to replace that. So that no one would have to work that high up anymore. But all it would represent is a shadow of its former glory. And a grim reminder to those who tried to reach the heavens. Much like the Tower of Babel.

Ah me bad. Taking Ivan's computer to blog. But Ivan doesn't mind right? After all I also "borrowed" his PlayStation 2 on a more permanent basis. =)

I think it was two nights ago. I cried. Perhaps with reason, perhaps without reason. But then I was relieved that I was crying. I remember the circumstance really well. It was at 12 midnight when I was sitting on the sofa just reading Manual Of The Warrior Of Light by Paulo Coelho. It reminded me of a lot of things I have so long forgotten and lost sight of. It was good to read it again. And then I broke down and cried because somehow I just felt so helpless. I'm sad for a lot of things, and I just couldn't do anything. I remember the line I read in the book. It goes something like, "If you are sad, it shows that your soul is alive."

The feeling was very much mixed. I cried because I was sad, yet I was happy that I could cry. I cannot explain such a strange paradox. But then again it was a relief. I am surprised that such simple thoughts, stories and advice written in the book, which I should have known and followed, I forgot. As if I have lost myself. Looking back on the stuff I've written, I've written lots. I should get back to writing a book. It seems to be the only way I can get my thoughts organised. But hey, I've been doing good, I've been finishing my work mostly, so I guess I do have a little free time. Just don't put me back into the dark box.

I'm thinking about the future.

Well the future of humanity. And my direct future.

The future of humanity seems pretty screwed up. We are fast draining the world of natural resources. Take clean water for example. I don't know the figures, but I know a vast number of humans like you and me, do not have access to clean water. Screw oil and petroleum. Though it may seem all that essential, I guess when people are denied of clean food, clean water and clean air, I guess the very life itself is being threatened rather than our way of living.

But other than life, I also have to think about things like the changes in society, culture and morals. Its constantly evolving in the times we are in, and that there seems to be no one fixed utopian state that society is currently moving to. To say that the future of humanity is a utopian one is a good ideal, but a bad estimation. Given that in the past 2000 years, our history is plagued with wars and that there is a war on average of 8 years, I guess there is no hope for future peace. The prospect of a long-term peace does not look close in the distant future. Even with the creation of an international body to ensure world security, every war makes it look more and more like a joke and a farce.

And society itself is moving towards a breakdown, where I cannot imagine. I am imagining one day that the world would be clearly divided into two classes of people, the rich and the poor. The poor would live in the cities, in the congested slums of the cities, near the factories and other means of productions where they are employed. Their living conditions would be a disgrace, they would live, feed on whatever pay is dished out by the factory. Many would be unemployed, and crime in these areas would run high. The rich would reside in the suburban areas where each mansion has its own compound, guarded by security guards and high walls from the poverty that is outside. They own the means of production, of food, clothing and other necessities, and is sold to the poor, in return for labour to manufacture more goods. Class inequality would exist as not before, and it would return to the days of landlords and serfs.

The concept of family in the slums would be strongly eroded. I've read in accounts of prostitutes that when they get pregnant, they would wish for a girl rather than a boy. Its because the boy would grow up into a man who would lie, cheat and steal money, then take money from their mothers and then disappear into the world out there. A girl can at least join the mother's profession, and also work with the mother and when the mother is too old, the daughter will continue to support her mother. That is the concept of family that arises from poverty. The unit of society, which is called family is broken down all too easily, and the individual who requires shelter from problems early in life cannot be protected because of the absence of family.

Now about my future. I predict a great fuzziness in my future. Its all shrouded in grey. Not fog grey, it doesn't mean I'm going to a cold country. Just grey, you know, that kind of grey where black is shined upon by some dim light and that you cannot make out the figures in the room? That kind of grey. More of black, but then the terminology doesn't matter. What matters is that I cannot even predict my future. I tried to make plans for it once, when I was young. It never went that way. So things keep changing all the time. I think I wanna go off to a foreign land, feel the life there, get to know what's it like in other countries, because I guess I'll never get the chance again in my life.

Though I am beginning to think of what is my concept of home. I've been away from home for so long, I wonder whether it is still home for me, whether my heart will still be there. I think perhaps I'm lost.

Finally someone let me out of my cage.

Okay its been a long time since I've put anything here. That's because I am crippled without the Internet. Its very hard trying to lead a Net life and a meat life at the same time. And when your meat life is stuffed full of many problems, both social and school, and when the Net life is so inaccessible due to outrageous billings for broadband, so this simply means I don't have much of a life. =)

So what am I gonna rant about? Okay I won't rant. Just that life have this really sick sense of humour. When I don't want to have something, the opportunity just shows up glaringly in my face. And its sad that it has to happen. I just wish I could change everything. Being friends again, not start over. There are too many precious memories to start over. Maybe continue where we left off?

Last night I was thinking to myself, it would be cool to have healing powers. You know, take away pain, suffering and disease. Sort of like a miracle worker, where you can seem to hold all these in your hands and take it all away from someone else? Sort of giving the person another chance to live, or relieving them of their burden. It would sound so much like a con man, but well yeah that would be something.

Then again, it would be playing God, when deciding who gets to live or who gets to die. I guess since I'm not God there is still pain and suffering in this world.

It is a good day to die.

That's about all I have to say. Look can go on ranting about the weekend I had, which was suppose to be relaxing and enjoyable, but well looking at my condition when I woke up this morning, I cannot tell a lie. My back hurts, shoulders ache, skin burns, eyes tired and my left calf seems to be disconnected from the rest of my body. Talk about being in good condition.

I was suppose to settle some problems this weekend. But I don't have time. I wonder when would I ever have time.

I will make this good.

I want to write a story. A great story, one that tells of valour, courage, romance, deciet and the human spirit. A story that involves knights and dragons, where a great war raged in the background, and the fair maiden is rescued by a hero, where men pit their strength against the demonic hoards of hell. A boy would then face temptation between his dreams and his hell. A man would have to choose between his fealty towards his liege, or his duty towards his family. A woman would have to face the pain of letting her husband walk of to certain doom in a battle that would shake the world. And blood will be spilt, not just man.

And no, it would not be against some monstrocities like the orc hordes or zombie legions or some aberration. It would be brother against brother, family blood on opposite sides. And each side would have beasts on each side, yet the true beasts just lies skin deep. After reading Lord Of The Rings, I was wondering, why did it have to be man versus orc? Is it that easy to spot a beast for he looks like a beast? For things that are good aren't always fair and noble. And the greatest evil is always those within. Those who are beside you. Those who stand beside you waiting for the time to strike and stab you where it hurts most for the purpose of none other than hurting you.

But I guess I won't be writing such a story.

Last night I saw fireworks. In a time like this, fireworks are almost rare. The number of fireworks last night did not seem as impressive as years ago. Maybe it was because of the rain. But it rained every year. I just looked into the western sky and saw many colours exploding and showering sparks over the horizon, to the endless bangs and pops heard all round like a surround sound system. How do I describe what I saw? Showering sparks of green, red and yellow. Screamers shooting straight up into the night only to go in an anti-climatic feeble pop. Rockets that shoot continuously into the sky. Its just nice.

Fireworks are nice, it is like flowers in the night sky. To me its something like remnants of my childhood. When I look back, I feel all nostalgic and stuff. I wonder if I can see fireworks n the sky again in the future.