Excerpt from a real conversation that happened more or less the way as follows:

"Jason, I want you to prepare a salad."
"No mom! I need to save the world from a Zurok invasion from the Planet Ghriz. All your base are belong to us!"
"Just go prepare it!"
"Mom! I'm too young!"
"You're twenty!"
"I might burn down the kitchen!"
"Its a salad"
"Oh."

Well I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

- Unwell by Matchbox 20

Life is too boring and quiet.

I need a challenge like with immediate effect. Maybe something like slay a dragon, or street racing, or extreme survival in the jungle with nothing but a 8 inch blade and pure survival instinct.

However, apparently, to slay a dragon, I need a dragon to be slain. Apparently since dragons only exist in my imagination, no matter how many times I slay one, no one would believe me.

Street racing requires a lot of money, fast cars and hot chicks. Apparently I neither have lots of money, fast cars or hot chicks. So that does not sound possible at all.

Which leaves extreme survival methods. Seeing my complete addiction to the computer, Internet and television, withdrawal from Internet, and living in the jungle for more than 6 hours would result in nausea, dizziness, acute headaches, shaking hands, blurred eyesight, mood swings, psychotic and suicidal tendencies, so I don't think my chances of survival are improved at all even with cup noodles and a warm blanket.

So I guess I am subjected to extreme boredom. Damn.

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Its 6:50 am in the morning, and I've been awake for the past hour. I have been rudely awaken by a chicken crowing to the break of dawn. So what if dawn is breaking? I don't care! I want to sleep!

Because of that, I think suffice to say, I would be having chicken for dinner tonight.

By the way, if dawn is breaking, what does it sound like?

Dear Naja nigricollis nigricollis,

I just awoken from a bad dream. I guess I'm happy that I didn't remember that dream, but lying there for the past 100 minutes (yes I counted!) there has been one too many flashbacks and one too many thoughts.

You know, I've been thinking of our bet. Somehow it seems rather wierd right now, but I guess in more than one way, I am thankful that we made that bet. I'm not regretting that I've lost, and well yeah I guess I've to honour the bet. Of course being a gentleman has its downsides, but I don't mind this one.

Somehow, some things are meant to let go. But I don't want to be the one to let go. So yeah, ball's in your court.

RavenHawk

No!! It cannot be! The pain! The torture! No!!!

My guitar string broke!

Sometimes there are prophecies. Here's mine. Roughly translated. Wonder what it means.

Phoenix brings auspicious jade,
Griffin descends on the emperor's city,
Good fortune befalls after new year's eve,
Happiness naturally comes.

Lalala...

Yes! Finally I have time to sit down and complain. Complaining is a daily luxury I have to myself. Its an almost weekly ritual, where I let off all my steam, angst and frustration, preferably in the dark cold emptiness of the Internet. Its much preferable to being angry at a physical object which I can abuse, destroy and annihilate.

But well, here goes:

Chinese New Year has just come and gone. Okay, well it hasn't gone yet technically, but then the most hectic busy days of Chinese New Year has passed. Which means that things will be a lot more relaxed. Sorta back to my usual sleep till noon routine, then crawl out of bed, spend 10 minutes staring at the mirror, then realising I feel hungry, then going downstairs to look for food, then stone in front of the television or computer for 12 straight hours, then realising that its a good time to sleep, then going back to sleep and rinse, dry and repeat the entire routine.

Yeah, the great thing about Chinese New Year, is that it was pretty profitable. No one ever paid me money to sit around and eat cakes and cookies, so I should say this is so very very profitable. =) But I'm not all calculative and money-minded. I also get to meet up with old friends, whom I should have met up with a long time ago. It seems everyone has changed. Changed a lot. All the chicks becoming hotter. All the guys becoming more manly. Sorta feels very wierd, you know, like taking a short trip to the future, and realising how everyone has become so different.

I can never get over the fact how everyone looks so different. Its like, I've been growing up with some of these people, and I leave for a couple of years and they change. Change so dramatically. Where have I been all this time?

However as much as some things change, some things also never change at all. There's this fat guy, yes, you know who you are who is still as immature as ever, who is still as crazy as ever, psychotic, paranoid, delusional and schizophrenic as ever, who is still has wild, and thinks he has the best fashion sense, and basically still the same wimp he was when I met him all those years back. Yeah. Everyone's growing up. But not you.

Anyway, yeah, so now that the visiting season has passed, I have time to return to my daily rants.

Are you a slacker?? from emode.com

Face it. You're a slacker. Your ability to NOT get things done is second to none -- and even legendary in some counties. It is true that haste makes waste, but don't you think you're taking things a little too slowly? What you need is a swift kick in the butt. Sure, being a slacker definitely has some benefits. You rarely, if ever, feel rushed. You have no problem relaxing. And stress isn't a word in your vocabulary. If you're happy with the way things are, there's really no need to change. Who cares if you rarely have clean clothes to wear? Or if the dishes and bills pile up before you get a chance to deal with them? No big deal, right? Sort of. The slacker lifestyle isn't a problem if it doesn't cause any harm. But you might want to take stock of how your lack of action affects those around you. Do your friends think that you're unreliable? Do late bill payments cost you extra money? Do you waste too much time watching TV? Is your slacking affecting your work? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it's time to get off the couch and shift into a higher gear. If you can safely answer no, you're probably doing okay. Slacking is definitely a luxury. If you can afford to do it, go right ahead.

Just a story I dreamt up long time ago. Okay fine, two days ago.

I once read of a guy who found his soul. He looked into himself, found his soul and understood everything about himself and he achieved enlightenment.

I figured I could do the same, so I just looked insides myself. I found one heart, two lungs, one stomach, one liver, two kidneys and a lot of other bloody organs, but just no soul.

I panicked, and figured that I didn't have a soul. So I worried and worried for days. Finally I decided to go on one of those long journeys of soul-searching where those people usually do to find themselves.

I journeyed to the peaks of the Himalayans to find the Tibetan monks. I asked them, where can I find my soul? They replied, look within. I told them, its not there. They shook their heads and said, then we can't help you.

I traveled to the dark continent, where I scaled the mountain of Kilimanjaro and braved the savannahs where I met an old medicine man. I asked him, where can I find my soul? He replied, look within. I told him, its not there. He shook his head and said, then I can't help you.

I looked for the old wise men in India sitting by the Ganges river. They sat there meditating quietly and I was ashamed to disturb them, but finally I still had to ask, where can I find my soul? They replied, look within. I told them, its not there. They shook their heads and said, then we can't help you.

I traveled all over the world, searching for men of wisdom who found their souls, but all they could do was shake their heads.

I sorjourned to the great Oracle of Delphi, where all answers of men are to be discovered there. I approached the ruins, but still whatever ancient power that laid there must still have worked. I asked, where can I find my soul? It replied, look within. I told it, its not there. The Oracle fell silent for a brief moment. Then it said, look again.

I sighed and hesitated. Then I looked again.

There it was. Looking straight back at me.

Settling one thing at a time.

Well looking at For Love or Money wouldn't you agree that most of them there are in the competition now more for the money than for the love?

I quoteth one of the girls, "I don't know what Rob is like, but I know what a million dollars is like." It just sums up what most of them are thinking. How can anyone, anyone at all fall in love with a guy and get married with him in just only 2 weeks? You gotta understand, the motivation there is more for the money. Its a million bucks to win in the game of love. Its not a competition where you win the man. Its a competition for the money, not the guy!

When you ask what most of the girls are motivated for, most of them said they are in it for the million dollars. They play harder, they are more serious and they are more vengeful to win the game. If it was just a guy, they would get another guy out there. But this is a million dollars, there's no way you pick up a million dollars at a bar or hook up with a million dollars on a dating service.

Somehow, the more I think about, money nor love makes the world go round. Its credit cards.

Here's an interesting excerpt from the book, A Pale Blue Dot by Carl Sagan

Every other proposal, and their number is legion, to displace us from cosmic center stage has also been resisted, in part for similar reasons. We seem to crave privilege, merited not by our work, but by our birth, by the mere fact that, say, we are humans and born on Earth. We might call it the anthropocentric-the "human-centered"-conceit.
This conceit is brought close to culmination in the notion that we are created in God's image: The Creator and Ruler of the entire Universe looks just like me. My, what a coincidence How convenient and satisfying! The sixth-century-B.C. Green philosopher Xenophanes understood the arrogance of the perspective:

"The Ethiopians make their gods black and snub-nosed; the Thracians say theirs have blue eyes and red hair . . . Yes, and if oxen and horses or lions had hands, and could paint with their hands, and produce works of art as men do, horses would paint the forms of the gods like horses, and oxen like oxen . . ."

Excerpt from a conversation I just had.

"Hi, I would like to buy a capo please?"
"Capodastro?"
"No, not gasoline, the one for the guitar."

I could so kick myself.

I was watching the new reality TV show For Love or Money and I was very much intrigued by the twist introduced in the show. I very much hate reality TV shows but I do take a look once in a while to understand what is going on and why is there so much appeal to it.

Perhaps I should not try to psychologically dissect this reality television series, but it just struck me while I was channel surfing at 2 am in the morning rotting from a lack of sleep and exercise. Anyway, ever noticed what the million dollars prize did to the whole entire show? It de-valued love and made money the greatest thing in the world when put next to a choice like love.

I guess the question that this entire show is asking is that, can we ever tell if a girl loves a guy for his money or for him? If in the end of it all, the guy chooses a girl who is in it for the money, and at the end reveals that she did it all for the million bucks and she won't marry him just because she suckered him, then I guess we all know the answer to that question. But I don't know the end of the show. I refuse to watch the in-between where this guy would slowly, heartlessly, brutally crush the hopes of all 14 girls. I just want to know what happens at the end.

Is there such a thing as true love?

That's one of the questions this reality television show would answer. Lets just hope its a good answer.

Lalala...

Fine, I'll post something today. It just happens to be midnight. Yup. Today's that one special day for me. Its the day where I am officially old. Old. Read: old. It ought to be a good thing. Right?

At my undisclosed age at the moment, I feel old. So old that my old bones hurt. Really really crankily old. Old grumpy men. I feel I qualify to be in an old folks home. Yup. I'm old alright. Seriously very old. Decrepitly old. Senilely old. Old! How many synonyms can I find for old? Let me check.

Ancient
Aged
Debilitated
Elderly
Geriatric
Fossil
Superannuated
Venerable
Dotage
Relic
Rusty
Stale
Worn-out
Wasted
Feeble

Well in short really really really old. See? I'm even whining like the old old man I am now. Yup. That's me now. I'm old. Oh how I dread this day. Looking back at all the years in my life, I'm wondering what the heck I have accomplished. Never mind, I'm still old anyway. Maybe surviving this long happens to be my only major accomplishment.

Now that I'm old, I have to be responsible. *shudder* Responsible? That word is like non-existent in my vocabulary. It belongs alongside words like mature, independent, sound judgement, reliability and a whole plethora of other scary terrifying adjectives that I've never heard of before in my life. Oh man.

Yeah, thanks Bernard, Linda, Maggie and Charlotte for the call. =) Thanks a lot guys. You remembered. At least, I think only you, Bernard. =)

"Here boy, mama and papa prepared something special for you." She walked in carrying a steaming plate covered by one of those silver wok covers. "This is to help you in your exams."

The little boy sat eagerly at the dinner table, fidgetting and squirming like all other little boys do. "What is it? What is it?" He asked happily.

"Its something really special." She smiled and look at the boy. "Here!"

With that, she lifted up the cover triumphantly and there was this waft of steam which gushed out and hovered like a cloud momentarily over the dish. Instantly the smell of meat permeated into the room and there was this simmering piece of meat sitting on the plate surrounded by brocolli and soaking in stew.

The boy stared at it for a moment. "What is that thing?"

She laughed for a moment and said, "Don't think what is that thing. Think what that thing can do for you. It'll make you smart, just like Roy."

The boy smiled and picked up his spoon and fork gingerly. He slowly poked it and carved out a bit of grey gelatinous meat. The spoon easily sliced through the meat like soft butter. Then the boy held the spoon in front of him and beheld this very special dish in front of him. Then he put it into his mouth.

His mama and his papa looked on as he ate and beamed at the satisfaction they saw on his face. The little boy slowly chewed and savoured the piece of meat in his mouth. Hmm... he thought, tastes like fatty chicken. Then the little boy looked at his parents. "This would make me as smart as Roy?"

"Yes..." she said. The little boy grinned and started helping himself to a bigger share.

She looked on pleased with herself and said under her breath. "Good boy. You'd become smart. As smart as Roy was."

Oh! Carol
I am but a fool

You know how some people go crazy in this downward spiral of dissipating consciousness, which is much like a whirlpool, sucking you down into the cold dark depths as the tendrils claw at your mind and tear apart the very fibre of your being. Then there is this pounding headache in your head that you wish would go away, a pounding headache that pounds and pounds and pounds, which makes all noises very loud or very high pitched or just sounds like metal claws raking across a piece of glass.

Darling I love you
Though you treat me cruel
You hurt me

And it gets louder and louder, and harder and harder, and you just wish to get it out of your head, you don't care how, you just want to get it out of your head, you don't care anymore, anyhow, anything, anyway. Just get it out. Doesn't matter how, just use it.


And you make me cry
But if you leave me
I will surely die

And your hands grab that pair of scissors. Then you dig, and stab away, and the blood splurts outs, and you stab and stab, but the sound only gets louder.

Darling, never never be another
'Cause I love you so
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll never go

Then the pounding starts to cease, and the sounds get more and more distant, and then the colours start to fade and your eyes start to feel tired, and your eyelids feel heavy. But you feel serene, your heart is at peace, your breathing becomes slower and slower. Then you can't hear anything and you can't see anything, and everything falls silent. And you smile.

I will always want you for my sweet heart
No matter what you do
Oh! Carol
I'm so in love with you

Okay, it has been like 32 days since I came home. I think. But who's counting? Its not the number of days that matter, but rather the quality of days that do matter.

And since then the quality of days do not really matter at all. Come to think of it, there is hardly any quality in the days I live here. Its like pointlessly ekking out a living on nothing, but well the computer and television. Yes, I'm bored out of my mind. I need things to do, polygons to kill, people to torment, faces to slap, dogs to kick, chicks to stare, food to eat, drinks to slurp, books to tear, magazines to soil, balls to throw, phones to slam, sms to reply, windows to break, cars to crash, and a lot of other things to do.

Btw, how do you know Chinese New Year is coming? Its that time of the year when your mom screams at you to come into the kitchen and starts ordering you around to make stuff and stir this pot of really sticky stuff until your arms hurt. Then you happen to be waxing the furniture and cars and then everything in the house starts to look brand new and shiny and you are not suppose to touch anything.

Damn it.

I just saw a mouse! Yes! A real live mouse in my living room! Oh crap oh crap... Okay, now initiating Hunter Mode!!! This mouse has gnawed its last cheese.

Traps set, catapult armed and ready, stake-out from the couch with hot coffee and biscuits. I am so gonna get this mouse.

Hmm... I think I sound like Elmer Fudd. Shh... I'm hunting wabbits...

Okay, you know you're addicted to the Internet when you wake up at 1:30 am in the morning and start blogging.

I just had a dream.

It was a nice dream. I dreamt that you called me suddenly, and it was late, about 12 midnight. Sometime about an hour ago. Then you told me that you have just arrived at my local airport. I was surprised, but delighted. I took out my dad's pajero and drove to the airport. True enough, you were there, standing, at the arrival hall, waiting. I got out of the car and ran to hug you. Sorta like in one of those cheesy movies. Then we hugged. I could smell your hair. And I asked you why you came. You said you came to see me. It was one of those replies that I hoped to hear, but could never hear. Then we went back to my place, you stayed at my place for a couple of days. Each day, we'd go out, see whatever my hometown has to offer, and just see stuff. I can't be more descriptive about this part. I can't remember. All I remember is that the last night, you and I were sitting together on this couch, then I had you in my arms, and we were talking. Then as I held you for the last time, I woke up.

I woke up and couldn't find you. And as I laid back there, I wondered, what a lovely dream. Too bad it was just a dream.

Me: This is so my kind of doctor! But otherwise, I just got this from an email.


Dr. Bob S Gorblok is an expert in his field!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, green leafy vegetables. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around !

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie ... flour is a veggie! One more thing to remember - when life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and the salt.

I just saw the coolest car bumper sticker I have ever seen. I just gotta get one just like that. Guess what it said?

"If you think this car is cute, wait till you see the driver."

Wait this last post sounded really stupid. So ignore it.

Okay, so now I'm on to something serious. I just want to talk about fate and choice. I think you got it so wrong because fate and choice cannot coexist. They are both mutually exclusive.

What is choice? Choice is the decision to do something. And because of the choice, there is an outcome. Let me give you a simple scenario. Assume I have two cups, both identical, and both inverted. I ask you to choose one cup, which would hopefully contain a marble. So you look and you look, and you pick the cup on the left.

What if I then lift up the right cup and the marble is there? You have chosen wrongly and lost your money to me. But what if I lift up the left cup after that and there is another marble there? What if both cups contain marbles? What if no matter what cup you choose, the outcome would be the same? There's a marble underneath, you win your money. Despite your "choice" is there a difference in outcome? Obviously not? Between choosing left and right, yeah, the choices are clearly distinctive, but there is now no difference in outcome. Your choice did not matter. Therefore, was there ever a choice given to you?

There is choice in the world. I can choose to go out, I can choose to stay at home. Both would yield me different things. So there is choice. There are two distinctive outcomes. So what does fate got to do with this? Does fate decide that if I am to die I would die no matter whether I stay at home or go out? I just really don't like the idea, and if fate decides that I am to do, I really don't have the power to avoid it, so pretty much, there is no choice.

Anyway, I'm mumbling rubbish here. But yeah, Fate sucks.

Would you like to swing upon a star,
Carry moonbeams home in a jar,
And be better than you are,
Or would you rather be me?

I'm really just half as nutty as I seem,
I just laze around without a care or a dream,
And never be a part of a team,
One day I'll just hang myself on a beam,
But if you always feel hungry,
You might want to be me.

Lala lala laa... lala lala laa...

You could be better than you are,
You could be swinging on a star.

My own rendition of Frank Sinatra's Swinging on a Star

On New Year Resolutions

Well, last year I resolved to lose weight. I guess we all did. And like most of us, we all fail. So heck, this year, I resolve to gain weight! So lets see if I fail this time again, if I keep failing to lose weight for the last 19 years. =)

And reflecting back, (read: looking back on my older posts) I wondered what new year resolutions did I make the year before and the year before that. Now that I look back, I seem to think I'm a rambling maniac with so many musings that I could be a muse myself.

Okay, so here goes, my New Year Resolution for the year 2004, which is documented for the sake of documenting to realise what a failure I've been in sticking to my New Year resolutions.


Number 1
Write a better blog. I figured out, just by my second post that no one wants to read the ramblings of a semi-insane guy who just has nothing to do with his life and spend his nights typing out snippets of his life on the Internet for anyone to see. Yes. So I think I better write something interesting. Something cool. Something that people would want to read. You know jokes. Though I'm not a funny person, and I have more sarcastic remarks than punchlines and Bush is way below my list of favourite people, I'll try. This is going to be so hard. Maybe I'll do something else and add some pictures. Or something else. I'll figure something.

Number 2
Be a nicer person, especially to cats, dogs, animals and dumb people. You see? I just did it. I called dumb people, dumb people. I know I'm not suppose to do that. Dumb people are actually mentally challenged. Couple nuts short of a handful, or couple baloney short of a sandwich. I have to be politically correct. Use euphemisms. People don't die, they just pass on. Politicians don't lie, they just tell politically incorrect but acceptable truths e.g. "Oral sex is not adultery!" There are no gay people, just sexually uncertain individuals. There are no young punks, just misguided youths. I just have to be more politically correct, so I guess this is something I'm not good at. Known for my blunt brutal remarks, I guess this is another resolution I'm gonna fail. I'm sorry Ivan!

Number 3
Get a girlfriend. Hey, this one proves to be a sure failure. I've been told I'm nice. I've also been told I'm far from nice. So considering all these conflicting comments, I am not sure what people think of me. I'm sure its not very nice. So yeah, I think this is another resolution I'll fail at.

Look its not that I'm planning to fail. Its just that these are things I would like to accomplish in my life. Serious. So if it ever ends up that I never do any of these things, then my life is a failure. So yeah, these are my new year's resolutions. May I so succeed.

You can be better than you are
You could be swingin' on a star.

- Frank Sinatra, Swinging on a Star

"One does not fall 'in' or 'out' of love. One grows in love" - Leo Buscaglia

Hmmm... well?

You know you are bored when you check your email account 8 times a day and there is no mail from anyone at all.

I was just thinking about the Chinese tradition of not sweeping the house on the first day of the (Chinese) New Year. You see, they believe that by sweeping the house on the first day of the New Year, one would be sweeping out the luck of the house. Somehow I do get the logic vaguely because some people would be too lazy to sweep the house on the first day of the New Year, so they have this superstition to sort of explain the fact that they are too lazy and cover it up with a plausible superstition.

So because one cannot sweep the house, what about vacuuming the house during the New Year day? Logically speaking if we should not sweep the luck out of the house, what about sucking all those luck, as well as dirt, mites and funny black stuff that seem to accumulate everywhere, in? You see, it should not just be cleaning the house, but also auspicious because luck in brought into the house and contained within a bag which can be put in a favourable corner in the house (usually the closet) which then would bring luck to the entire family for the rest of the year?

So is it okay, superstitiously speaking, to not sweep the house on New Year's day, but to vacuum the house instead?