Swimming against the tide

What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves. - Milan Kundera

My friend called me weird. She says I give off weird vibes to other people. Maybe it is because she doesn't understand me at all. Because I don't feel that there's anything weird about me. If anything at all, then maybe I'm the only one who is extremely normal.

You ever think about those lunatics in mental asylums and wonder whether they are the ones who are really normal, and it is just us 'crazies' who are running the world out there, dictating who is normal and who isn't?

Sometimes, I feel as though I'm swimming against the tide. And the harder I swim, the more I'm pushed back. And for a moment, always in my exhaustion, I feel that I should just slip back, give up, and slide back where the tides take me...

A thing that Milan Kundera said in his book, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, is that human beings are weak, and we revile our weakness. We try everything to hide our weakness, and when we could bear it no more... That's vertigo, isn't it? The urge to jump. But it's more than that, it's about finally acknowledging one of our greatest weaknesses: our mortality.

Human beings are gifted with the worst curse ever, the curse of struggling. Everything we do, is a struggle. Day-to-day life, is a struggle. And this reminds me of the man who is drowning, not waving.

What is the meaning of life? I think I have been chasing the wrong question. Shouldn't it be what is the one thing we want in life? Thing is, we all want the same one thing in life. We all do... And we struggle to achieve that one thing, some moreso than others. But in the end, no one ever successfully achieves that one thing that they desired most...